Incurable Optimism
No pics today. Instead, please take a gander to your right for my Profile Pic-- that's me, the Penguin who keeps getting up, over and over and over and over...
The other penguin is Mean People, or One of the Various Circles of Life's Hells, or anything or anyone who doesn't follow my script.
Yes, I truly am that Penguin, getting knocked down, pushed over, then getting right back up and keeping on keeping on. And then getting knocked down again. And again.
But that's okay. Because I'm an Incurable Optimist. I'll get knocked over, be depressed and panicky and I'll wallow for a while, then get bored with myself, and move on. I can't describe how very boring I can be (I can name quite a few other people who can describe it at length!), but, like I said, I wallow and feel sorry for myself and have pity parties (alone-- don't need to spread my gloom and doom around, right? except it's amazing how many people are affected by my wallowing, even if I don't say anything). Then I make myself sick of myself and get the hell over it.
Scorpio with Sagittarius rising (and a Capricorn Moon, to boot-- what a whacky mixture!) is one of my explanations. Been doing astrology since I was eight years old, so at least I can know what to expect about myself (usually).
First you have the practical-but-emotional Scorpio moi, the Drama Queen who can't really enjoy being a Drama Queen because I always know when I'm being one so end up catching myself and stopping the drama. And I can't stand drama. It's boring.
Then you have the optimism of Sagittarius (compounded by my Jupiter being in Sagittarius, oh, eternally lucky me!) coloring how I look at life. Which is optimistically. Or have I already said that?
Both signs are very idealistic, too, so there's where a lot of my self-imposed pain comes in. My script. Realistic, Scorpio moi takes an intense look at reality, sees what's going on, and can even see the underneath, hidden parts and where they're coming from, and compares it to the ideal, how things SHOULD be (which I include in my script), then makes a value judgement. (I'm very good at that, too!) I think, or say, "Hey! You're not staying true to the ideal! Why bother to join/do [this job, this church, this whatever] if you're just gonna do everything your way, and not what was meant when it all started?" Operative phrase being "what was meant." I won't say what my judgemental thoughts can be. I'll only say I can feel pretty emotional about it.
And along comes the Sagittarius, the optimist, who also looks at things idealistically, only is much nicer than Scorpio, and says, "Hey! You're not staying true to the ideal! But I like where I am in all this, so I'll ignore the rest of you and have the fun I came for! Besides, y'all won't be sticking around, anyway, so things will change for the better! And there will always be nicer, more fun people to make friends with!" Which is also very much moi. You know, "A stranger is just a friend I haven't met yet." Operative words being "friend" and "fun."
Also, Scorpios are stubborn, stubborn, stubborn. Although I, myself prefer the term "determined." I refuse to give up. Which is a sort of twisted optimism, I guess.
Incurable Optimist. I could use a different approach and say I've learned to be an optimist because of past experiences, 46 years' worth, but I was like this when I was 3, and hadn't had too many opportunities to integrate into my thinking. You can't get much farther down than the bottom, I figure, so the only place left to go is "up." I will say, though, that I'm always hoping I actually have reached the bottom. Operative phrase being, "always hoping."
Yep, I guess that's it in a little nutshell-- always hoping, and not giving up.
This can drive my near and dear a little crazy, but who cares? Really? As long as I'm feeling upbeat, learning more and more, and having some fun along the way? (When I say "fun," I don't mean I'm a party-er, because I am SO not a party-er! I mean "fun" as in something that makes me feel good about wherever I happen to be. No matter how crappy that place is.)
You know what? I just re-read this, and this has been one long, boring post. But so what? I just therapized myself. Good for me!
The other penguin is Mean People, or One of the Various Circles of Life's Hells, or anything or anyone who doesn't follow my script.
Yes, I truly am that Penguin, getting knocked down, pushed over, then getting right back up and keeping on keeping on. And then getting knocked down again. And again.
But that's okay. Because I'm an Incurable Optimist. I'll get knocked over, be depressed and panicky and I'll wallow for a while, then get bored with myself, and move on. I can't describe how very boring I can be (I can name quite a few other people who can describe it at length!), but, like I said, I wallow and feel sorry for myself and have pity parties (alone-- don't need to spread my gloom and doom around, right? except it's amazing how many people are affected by my wallowing, even if I don't say anything). Then I make myself sick of myself and get the hell over it.
Scorpio with Sagittarius rising (and a Capricorn Moon, to boot-- what a whacky mixture!) is one of my explanations. Been doing astrology since I was eight years old, so at least I can know what to expect about myself (usually).
First you have the practical-but-emotional Scorpio moi, the Drama Queen who can't really enjoy being a Drama Queen because I always know when I'm being one so end up catching myself and stopping the drama. And I can't stand drama. It's boring.
Then you have the optimism of Sagittarius (compounded by my Jupiter being in Sagittarius, oh, eternally lucky me!) coloring how I look at life. Which is optimistically. Or have I already said that?
Both signs are very idealistic, too, so there's where a lot of my self-imposed pain comes in. My script. Realistic, Scorpio moi takes an intense look at reality, sees what's going on, and can even see the underneath, hidden parts and where they're coming from, and compares it to the ideal, how things SHOULD be (which I include in my script), then makes a value judgement. (I'm very good at that, too!) I think, or say, "Hey! You're not staying true to the ideal! Why bother to join/do [this job, this church, this whatever] if you're just gonna do everything your way, and not what was meant when it all started?" Operative phrase being "what was meant." I won't say what my judgemental thoughts can be. I'll only say I can feel pretty emotional about it.
And along comes the Sagittarius, the optimist, who also looks at things idealistically, only is much nicer than Scorpio, and says, "Hey! You're not staying true to the ideal! But I like where I am in all this, so I'll ignore the rest of you and have the fun I came for! Besides, y'all won't be sticking around, anyway, so things will change for the better! And there will always be nicer, more fun people to make friends with!" Which is also very much moi. You know, "A stranger is just a friend I haven't met yet." Operative words being "friend" and "fun."
Also, Scorpios are stubborn, stubborn, stubborn. Although I, myself prefer the term "determined." I refuse to give up. Which is a sort of twisted optimism, I guess.
Incurable Optimist. I could use a different approach and say I've learned to be an optimist because of past experiences, 46 years' worth, but I was like this when I was 3, and hadn't had too many opportunities to integrate into my thinking. You can't get much farther down than the bottom, I figure, so the only place left to go is "up." I will say, though, that I'm always hoping I actually have reached the bottom. Operative phrase being, "always hoping."
Yep, I guess that's it in a little nutshell-- always hoping, and not giving up.
This can drive my near and dear a little crazy, but who cares? Really? As long as I'm feeling upbeat, learning more and more, and having some fun along the way? (When I say "fun," I don't mean I'm a party-er, because I am SO not a party-er! I mean "fun" as in something that makes me feel good about wherever I happen to be. No matter how crappy that place is.)
You know what? I just re-read this, and this has been one long, boring post. But so what? I just therapized myself. Good for me!
Lori finally stopped procrastinating at 3:32 PM
2 Comments:
Girl, I have this problem of my eggs being over my hammy. Then comes the bacon and it throws my biscuts off to the side.
(relax sweetie... I think you are great!)
-Matthew-
Oooo,sounds painful. Plus, it's making me hungry.
Tell me your birthdate, plus the exact time you were born, plus the city, and we'll try to find out why your waitpersons keep throwing bacon at you! I'm tellin' ya, no one should shove your biscuits around, ya knaw?
Love you!
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