Taking a Powder: A Tutorial

It's hot, here. Been in the 100's the last week, and people are sweating. A lot. In fact, we'll all probably put on another 27 pounds this summer, because it's too hot to exercise. It's too hot to plain old MOVE. So we sit around, eating ice cream and popsicles, and watching each other sweat. If we get up, it's only to go get another ice cream or popsicle.

When it's hot, it's a good idea to take a nice, cool shower. Unfortunately, as soon as we put our clothes on, we start sweating again. (We could go naked, but probably we'd be arrested.) And then our clothes stick to us, negating the effects of the shower. So what do we do?

We apply liberal, lung-choking amounts of powder-- baby, medicated, bath, whatever. And cornstarch, which is good, too.

But how to get it on our backs without pestering someone else into doing it? What if we happen to be by ourselves when we need to put the powder on? What if we've already asked people too many times, and they get snarly and scary when we ask again, so we'd like to avoid that?

Well, here's how-- a Self-Back-Powderer.

Here are the easy-to-get supplies you'll need for a completely independent powdering experience: 1)A big stick (preferably without splinters-- I got mine at Walmart, 25 cents!); 2)an old sock (try to get one with no holes in it, or you'll end up with a huge mess-- I used one that will never be white again because someone wore it outside without their shoes...); 3)some kind of powder or cornstarch, whichever you prefer (cornstarch is a lot smoother and silkier than powder, but if you're someone with lots of folds, you might want to avoid it, because you could start growing fungus from using the cornstarch-- Eeeew!); 4)tape of some kind (but not the transparent, cellophane kind-- it'll slip and slide and not stick well); 5)a rubber band

Dump the powder into the sock, carefully and gently. You need to still be able to breathe while you're doing this. Don't fill it to bursting-- you only need enough to plump the sock a little. Then tie it shut with the rubber band.

Lay the tied, really powdery (by now) sock flat onto the stick, and tape each end around the stick with several passes. (I decided to go with cheerful, summery colors. I would have preferred orange, but didn't have any.) Probably you should wipe your hands off before doing this, because otherwise you'll get powder all over the sticky side of the tape, and then it won't stick, and you'll end up wasting good tape. Guess how come I know that?

And here you have it! A Self-Back-Powderer!



Just pick it up and slap it all over your back, like you would a backbrush. (Catholics will instinctively know how to do this.) Now you'll never have to get on someone's nerves by asking them to put powder on your back, and you'll avoid big piles of powder in all the wrong places by trying to sprinkle it on by yourself!