"V" Glee

Today's Valentine's Day. V-Day. The Big Vee.

And this one's mine, all mine! Ha-ha-ha!

This year I do NOT have to give anyone anything unless I really and truly want to.

This year I do NOT have to go into debt to prove anything to anybody.

This year I am NOT obligated to anyone.

This V-Day is all FOR ME!!!

And I'm lovin' it!

I'm free, I'm my own, I'm only for myself, I am a Child of the Universe and I have a right to be here. Oh, wait. Different song...

Guess what I did? I gave myself the day off! I'm not going in to work! I haven't done that in ages, at least not for myself. The last time I took a day off was a year ago, and I hated it because I felt forced into it.

Last time I did it I vowed never to do anything like that again, especially when my insides were in knots the entire day. I knew what would happen, and I was right.

So today is an "A-a-h" kind of day. A day to just breathe and be me and like myself a whole lot.

That last bit probably sounded a little conceited, but you know what? So what?

I don't even have a best friend, because there's no one I know that I like as much as myself. I have very GOOD friends, but not a "best" friend.

So I guess I'm "it." And that's absolutely fine with me.

People have warned me I'll get lonely being the way I am, but I can honestly say I've never been lonely even one day in my entire life, and I'm 45. I'm not sure I'd recognize the feeling of "lonely" if it ever descended on me.

I've felt "alone," but I don't think that's what people mean when they say "lonely." "Alone" just means being alone. It means "by myself," "apart," "separate," "solitary."

Those aren't negatives, at least not to me. It's how I've always been, for as long as I can remember. I think I seek it out.

People who don't know me well think I'm fun, chatty, witty, maybe a party type.

People who DO know me know I'm not much like that at all. (Except for the fun, chatty and witty parts.)

I think what I need is to go to my center a lot. Maybe I need it more than most, I don't really know, but if I don't get time in my center I get crazy. I turn into a B****, a banshee, and I want to cry a lot (which I don't do because then my eyes get all swollen and my nose gets puffy and I look like hell for days afterwards).

So today I'm spending in my center. I'm listening to ME, and doing what I want, and feeling loose and unattached and authentic.

I'm having a fantastic V-Day!